Employees Gone Wild Read online

  TIPS

  Movie Hour

  • It’s one thing to take a break for a cup of coffee or a quick trip to the gym, but watching pornography at your desk is not an appropriate way to de-stress during office hours. Save movie hour for after hours.

  • Streaming or downloading porn (or anything else, for that matter) is probably a violation of company policy . . . unless it’s research for your job, but good luck proving that one to the HR department.

  • If you can see someone else’s computer, they can probably see yours. And report what they see. And remember what I said about the company watching your email? Same goes for the websites you visit and the files you download.

  MEMO TO MANAGEMENT

  Site-blocking software. Site-blocking software. Site-blocking software.

  CASE FILE

  Judging by Appearance

  Jim thought he was being a gentleman when he told his colleague Liz, “I love the way that dress looks on you. Really beautiful.”

  A couple days later, they met in the elevator. “Good morning! You look great in that sweater today,” he said. Liz muttered something in response, Jim thought nothing of it, and went on with his day. Until he was called into the HR manager’s office.

  Male employees are often the subject of complaints for making what they claim are innocent compliments to female coworkers. Jim certainly thought that’s all he was doing. But from Liz’s point of view, it looked different: she thought by focusing on her appearance, he was hitting on her. And that made her uncomfortable.

  When I counsel male employees about things like this, I tell them that to be safe, any casual comments should not be based on the gender of the person to whom they are speaking. For example, would you say the same thing to a male colleague? If not, then don’t say it to a female. Remember, we’re all there for the same reason—to do a job—and the fact that you find someone or something attractive, while a perfectly normal thing to think, doesn’t contribute to getting the job done. Everyone at the workplace wants to be valued for their work. If you’re eager to compliment someone, pointing out a job well done or a problem solved is a better choice.

  It’s not just about gender, either. If you say something to a gay colleague, would you say the same thing to a straight colleague? (Or about such a colleague?) It’s increasingly common for companies to have policies in place explicitly extending workplace protections to gay, lesbian, and transgender individuals. Everyone at the workplace is on the same team, no matter which team they’re playing for.

  What you might intend as an innocent remark may strike your fellow employee as contributing to a hostile work environment and lead to a complaint against you. That does not mean you can’t say anything nice about anyone at any time! Just take a moment to reflect before opening your mouth. A little common sense will go a long way.

  On the Flip Side

  If you are on the receiving end of what you feel are inappropriate remarks or actions, or if you feel you are being unfairly treated by your company for any reason, follow your company’s policies for reporting such treatment. (They’re probably in that employee handbook you got when you were hired then stuck in the bottom of a drawer, never to be seen again. Now is the time to dig it out.) If there are no policies, you should let an uninvolved member of management know about your concerns. For example, first raise your concerns with the HR department or the general counsel of the company. If the company has neither, contact a high-ranking and uninvolved executive. Make sure to independently document all such communications. Note that this doesn’t mean you should secretly record your conversations! (Depending where you are, that might open a different legal can of worms.) But it can be helpful, should matters escalate, to have notes available, especially because memory isn’t 100 percent reliable. Only if all else fails should aggrieved employees consult with a trusted labor attorney to see if their rights have been violated and to explore potential remedies.

  Filing a lawsuit should always be a measure of last resort. It is a difficult, drawn-out, and unpredictable process. Yes, it puts some pressure on the company to resolve the matter in order to avoid the time, hassle, expense, and publicity of litigation. But at the same time, your whole background becomes fair play—what websites you visit; what you’ve said to co-workers, friends, and family about the issue; what you do in your free time; prior disciplinary problems at other jobs—everything is fair game. Plus, recognize that future employers may not want to hire you if they find out that you have sued a prior employer—remember, lawsuits are a matter of public record. Even if you win your suit, all other qualifications being equal, an employer may be wary of someone who has a history of suing his or her employer. That might not be fair. But it is a possibility.

  TIPS

  Sweet Talk

  • If you wouldn’t want someone to say it to you, don’t say it to someone else at work.

  • If you wouldn’t say it to a colleague of the same sex or sexual orientation, don’t say it to someone of a different sex or sexual orientation.

  • Even if you don’t say something potentially offensive directly to someone, they’re likely to hear it or hear about it. Keep it to yourself.

  • Colleagues want to feel valued and respected for their contributions, just like you do. Does what you’re about to say contribute to that? If so, great. If not, zip your lip.

  MEMO TO MANAGEMENT

  Make sure you have policies in place about what is appropriate and what is not in the workplace. The line between friendly conversation and remarks that marginalize employees or make them uncomfortable is not always easy for the average person to identify. Clear examples can help your employees understand the difference.

  CASE FILE

  Pay to Play

  HR departments are often put in the uncomfortable position of concealing off-site affairs because they bubble over into the workplace. Not pretty.

  Cash was a high-ranking business executive, married at the time, who invited a young female employee to join him on his private boat on a Friday afternoon. This was not a business trip, as you’ve probably guessed. They both drank too much, and on the way home from the boating excursion, the female employee was involved in a serious car accident. It was bad enough that the young woman was hurt because two employees were irresponsible and created a situation where she drank and drove.

  Feeling guilty after the fact and worried that his actions might come back to haunt the company, Cash told me what had happened. He worried that his lady friend would spill the beans about where she’d been and (more importantly) with whom. Not good for his business—or his marriage. His solution: he offered the young lady $10,000 (of his own money, mind you, not the company’s) to keep what happened “quiet.”

  It is common for companies to offer a severance package to certain employees when they quit or are let go. In exchange for money, exiting employees sign waivers and releases of all claims. It can be a win-win for the employee and company: The company gets some peace of mind, knowing that the employee can’t sue them for anything after signing such an agreement, and the employee gets extra money on the way out the door.

  But that’s not what happened here. This wasn’t about ending a business relationship with a no harm, no foul agreement. This was about saving Cash’s bacon, or so it appeared. There was nothing illegal about it—he didn’t ask her to lie to the police or not report a crime, or anything of that nature—but it’s still dodgy, because shelling out money quickly sure makes a person look guilty, doesn’t it?

  Cash claimed he was just trying to help out with the medical expenses and car repairs and minimize general inconvenience, since it had happened in the aftermath of their outing. Asking her to keep her mouth shut in return was secondary, he claimed.

  That is a risky thing for the company and executive. Even if everything Cash said were true, it would have been easy for the young lady to make things unpleasant. The fact that he whipped out his checkbook so quickly certainly points to him bei
ng responsible for the accident, and if she had chosen to sue, that’s how judge or jury might see it. Moreover, because of their relationship—employer and employee—the company and its assets could easily have been dragged into the situation.

  And you can bet if it had come to all that, Mrs. Cash would hear all about it.

  TIPS

  Money Talks

  • If you are offered money as part of a severance agreement, have an attorney review the agreement before signing it. Take your time and do not rush into signing, no matter how tempting the money may seem.

  • Don’t let anyone make you feel pressured to sign on the spot. You’re entitled to get legal advice and to sleep on it before signing.

  • Employers may routinely offer money to resolve a matter in order to avoid disruption of business. The offer doesn’t necessarily mean the company thinks anybody has done anything wrong.

  • If you are offered extra money without an agreement to sign, that may be a red flag. Look closely and ask questions, because something fishy may be going on.

  MEMO TO MANAGEMENT

  In today’s highly litigious world, the smart company uses severance agreements to curtail the risk of legal claims by problematic or hostile employees. It is usually pretty easy to determine which employees are likely to be more volatile than others. Paying some extra consideration to secure a lock-solid severance agreement is a cheap form of insurance to avoid potentially costly and protracted legal battles. During my career, I have prepared and distributed more than 350 different severance agreements. Out of those 350 agreements, fewer than five employees refused to sign them. Of the 350 people to whom I presented severance agreements, not one ever sued or brought any type of claim. The moral of this story? Severance agreements work.

  True Romance

  Not every instance of office flirtation is inappropriate. Most of us spend more of our waking hours at our jobs than anywhere else, often working in close quarters with colleagues. It’s no surprise, then, that a coworker may catch your eye and an actual office romance develop. There are lots of appealing aspects to dating a coworker: it’s convenient, time efficient, and you can carpool.

  Before embarking on such an adventure, however, check your company’s policies. Some may prohibit two employees dating; others may only forbid fraternizing between lower-level employees and their supervisors. Some have no rules against it at all. Make sure you know whether your flirtation may be stepping over any lines.

  TIPS

  Mixing Business and Pleasure

  A few tips if you do want to pursue a workplace romance:

  • Look beyond the adjacent cubicle. Date outside your department or area. You may hope to be inseparable, but a little distance in the workplace can be a good thing, even if policy doesn’t demand it.

  • Have a plan if the romance goes south. Talk with your paramour about it. Remember, you’re still going to have to work together, and if things get ugly between you, you don’t want it getting ugly for the entire office. Trust me, that is not a good career move.

  • Set boundaries. Discuss where the line between work and personal will be because if one of you thinks it’s fine to chat with office friends about every personal thing and the other isn’t comfortable with the guy in the next cube knowing what kind of underwear you prefer, that’s going to be an issue. You might even conduct “trust tests” early on—revealing something innocuous about yourself to your love interest and then waiting to see if this information makes its way to other coworkers.

  • As unromantic as it may sound, sometimes it’s prudent to put the consensual nature of the relationship in writing. I’m not saying you need a pre-nup just to ask out the person across the hall, but you do want to think about the potential consequences to your job. When a supervisor dates someone who works for him or her, it’s all too easy for the lower-level employee to turn around later, when the bloom is off the rose, and claim he or she felt compelled to participate in the relationship, that his or her job was in jeopardy, that he or she couldn’t say no.

  Too often, office romances end badly on both a personal and professional level, and the consequences can go well beyond a simple broken heart. Prepare for the worst case and hope for the best.

  2 No real names are used in this book.

  CHAPTER 2

  Inferior Superiors

  Bosses from Hell

  The quirks and foibles of superiors are usually seen as an unavoidable part of the job. Who hasn’t had to deal with a “difficult” manager? Sometimes, however, behavior crosses the line from ill-mannered or eccentric to flat-out unbearable. Being publicly humiliated by an irate supervisor in front of colleagues or screamed at because you put half-and-half in someone’s coffee instead of one-percent milk can be pretty demoralizing, especially when it happens on a regular basis. Often we just resign ourselves to enduring it while quietly seething at our desks.

  But it doesn’t have to be that way. What recourse do you have in the face of incompetent or abusive management?

  Many executives and higher-ups are adept at keeping their inappropriate conduct confined to a gray area that defies outright classification as “harassment” or “hostile work environment,” but sometimes it’s easy to tell when actions cross the line.

  CASE FILE

  Showered with Attention

  A senior executive was known for telling prospective employees that he “would make the best ruler this universe had ever seen.” Let’s just say he had no problems with self-esteem. This ruler-of-the-universe was also inordinately proud of his physique. To maintain that physique, he had a private office that boasted a weight room and shower.

  He liked to show off that physique, especially to female employees. He would call them into his office for a “meeting.” When they arrived, they found him clad in nothing but a towel, fresh from the shower after a workout. He conducted the whole meeting in the towel, as blithely unconcerned as the emperor in his new clothes.

  More than one of his female staff objected to this display, calling it harassment when they gave their notice. As we discussed in Chapter 1, it’s not unheard-of for a company to ask an employee to sign a release in return for compensation, and indeed, these offended female employees were paid a substantial amount of money to sign such a release on the way out the door.

  You’d think that, after a couple of these payments, the company would wise up and get rid of Mr. Ruler-of-the-Universe or at least put a halt to his loincloth-clad meetings. Not necessarily.

  Just about everything in business is about the balance sheet. Mr. Ruler-of-the-Universe not only pumped himself up; he pumped up the company’s bottom line as a major “rainmaker” who was absolutely critical to the organization. Whatever the company paid out to distressed female staff was more than made up by the amount of money this erstwhile Tarzan brought in.

  Not unpredictably, once this pattern had been established by repetition—towel-clad meeting leads to employee getting paid not to make a stink—women reporting to Mr. Ruler-of-the-Universe started to think of it as an entitlement, a severance bonus they were owed for putting up with this behavior. And maybe they were owed, given that the company had decided to put up with it, too.

  This fellow was, in essence, untouchable, like the business equivalent of a tenured college professor, because of the money he brought in. In such cases, short of an act of God or an outright criminal act, he would continue to get away with it without the stern written reprimand, followed by firing, a normal employee would face.

  TIPS

  How to Rule the Universe

  • No matter how hard you’ve been working out, unless your job description includes modeling your six-pack abs, keep your clothes on at work. All of them.

  • Even if you are a huge rainmaker for your company, management can change, or the payouts can catch up to the rain made. Don’t assume you’re untouchable. Sooner or later, you won’t be.

  • No matter how adept you are sure you would be at ruling the
universe, it is best to keep this opinion to yourself.

  MEMO TO MANAGEMENT

  Wise management impresses upon all employees, including the most senior of executives, that there are limits to acceptable behavior. If an executive is so powerful that his or her out-of-control behavior cannot be checked, then you have given that executive the potential power to take down your whole organization.

  And if you are the rainmaker, you had better make sure the people under you sign that release on the way out the door!

  CASE FILE

  The Culinary Perfectionist

  It is not at all unusual for executives with huge egos and difficult personalities to pay their employees a lot of money to tolerate a lot of abuse. That abuse often takes the form of very particular demands and unique personal requirements.

  One executive, Pete, had his lunch prepared for him each day with very specific requirements. You might guess that he was a gourmet, demanding only the finest cuisine, or a health nut, determined not to pollute his body with toxic ingredients, or even an allergy sufferer who had to avoid certain foods or ingredients. Any of those might make some kind of sense. But not so in Pete’s case.

  This executive demanded that exactly four Pringles brand potato chips—no more and no less—be placed on the dish with his meal. They must be completely intact and unbroken—partial or chipped chips didn’t count or represented an unforgiveable error on the part of the poor, suffering minion tasked with supplying his lunch.

  At least his executive assistant knew this. Pity the poor, suffering temp filling in for a vacationing staffer, who didn’t get the potato chip memo and delivered lunch with (gasp!) the wrong kind and number of chips.